A "Loyal Helper" and "Treasured Listener"

Over the last week I've had the joy of "identity mapping" my dad, Jack, and my sister-in-law, Renae.

I didn't "formally" identity-map my dad. He is to much of a contrarian to want to sit through a structured meeting. But over the couple of days that we spent together - driving to Campbell River (Vancouver, BC), staying at Painter's Lodge, spending a couple of days fishing for Springs (King Salmon), eating meals together, etc. - I was able to get to know a bit more of what makes my dad tick.

What I discovered is that dad is a "Loyal Helper."

One of the things that aggravated me when I was younger is that dad has passions and convictions about everything - from baseball technique to politics to social issues to anything else you could imagine - and he was always making some important point about them. He also has a series of "lectures" where he shares, with me or anyone else who is willing to listen, important life lessons (It really doesn't matter if you've heard them 100 times!). What I realized is that dad is loyal. He is loyal to the ideas and convictions and life lessons he's learned. He is loyal to the people who he learned them from. Realizing that Dad has a deep down loyalty to these things, and to me, has helped me to understand where he is coming from.

Another thing I realized about dad is that he is a Helper. All of his life he has been helping people: his parents, his kids, his friends, his neighbors. When you boil his life down to the bottom-line my dad has been a person who has come alongside other people with help. Sometimes dad hasn't drawn the best boundaries, and he has extended himself to far in his helping. And while dad doesn't have the personality type to be an entrepreneour and bring all his dreams and visions to reality, he IS great at coming alongside something - a project, a problem - and helping, finding solutions, making it better.

Discovering that my dad's core identity is to be a "Loyal Helper" has given me both perspective on the past and direction for our relationship to move forward in the future.

I also had the honor of identity mapping my sister-in-law Renae. She is a gracious, lovely person and it was really wonderful to get to know how she is wired. Jenny sat in on the Identity-Mapping session and took notes on the computer.

What we discovered about Renae is that she is a "Treasured Listener." Renae loves to listen; she listens to people and relationships and spaces. She loves to know people; how they are wired, what makes them tick. She knows them by listening. She is pained when relationships are hurt and broken; so she listens to know people and to bring peace and counsel. She loves to listen to spaces and understand how they can best be organized to bring comfort and peace to those people who will use those spaces. Renae treasures people by listening to them, by taking time to really know them.

We talked about Renae's longing to be treasured; how there is a wound or canyon in her heart in not being treasured the way that she longs for. We talked about how God treasures her. God is the ultimate Listener: the one who has Listened to Renae, who knows her. God is the Listener who is weaving her life together in such a way to deconstruct her and to heal her.

Both Dad's and Renae's callings are big, immense. For them to fully live into their God-given identity is more than they can do alone. They need to know God as their ultimate "Helper" and "Listener". And they need to learn to let people "help" them and "listen" to them and support them in their callings.