My Call to the Ministry (Part One)

I wanted to take some time to write (and so reflect) on my own call to the ministry. St. Augustine said that he wrote so that he might know. In the same way, writing helps me clarify and make concrete my hazy thoughts and memories.

So here goes

This morning (July 12th) I brought some hot chocolate to Camano Chapel for my brother, Jed, and sister-in-law, Renae; this week he is serving as the camp speaker at Camano Chapel's Jr. High Camp and I wanted to give them a special send-off. Dropping off hot chocolate brought back many memories.

My parents attended Camano Chapel during my growing up years. Yet, even though I grew up in the church and always believed in the existence of God, I had little interest in spiritual things. I decided to be baptized when I was 16. But I remained at the "center" of my own life. I was afraid to really surrender my life to Jesus because I was afraid of what he might require of me.

Exaltation Tour: June 1987

The summer after I graduated (1987) I half-heartedly decided to go on our youth group's singing/drama ministry - called "Exaltation" - on a tour up into Vancouver Island to perform our singing program for small churches. I was given a key role in the musical and was,ironically, the lead singer (with the youth group as my backup choir) of a song titled "Surrender." The gist of the song was that that "I'd rather go to Africa, than Stanwood High, and be a missionary there, rather than at my school." This communicated the core of my heart perfectly: while I "believed" in God, the "functional" center and influence in my life was my wanting to rule in my own life, go my own way. I did not want to surrender my life to Christ. But, He, obviously, had other plans.

Sointula, BC: 1987

A second reason why dropping off hot chocolate at Camano Chapel brought up old memories was that I saw Keith Burnhardt (sp?) there. In 1987 Keith, and his wife, Kathy, served as pastor of the Village Mission church in Sointula, BC, one of the destinations of our "Exaltation Tour." It was there in Sointula that God did a powerful work in my heart, awakening me; making me spiritual alive; though I didn't know what a powerful work it was at the time.

I don't remember a lot of details but it went something like this. Sointula, BC is a fishing village off the North Coast of Vancouver Island, near Port McNeil. Our "Exaltation" group spent a couple of days in Sointula assisting the church. We did some work projects, hung out with the kids in Sointula, and performed our musical. I remember a couple of things about the kids in Sointula. I remember thinking how lost they seemed: they didn't have much to live for; it was lonely on the island; most of the time they spent waiting for the next party. I started thinking to myself: "here I am. I claim to have the answer to these kids soul, to their hearts, but I'm not doing anything about it. They have nothing to live for, and I have everything to live for in God, and I'm not doing anything to help them." I was moved by their plight, and convicted of my spiritual apathy. Another thing I remember were two little boys, Jason and Guy, who had been adopted (I think). They were the cutest little boys and I spent a lot of time playing with them, talking to them, etc. I've always had a soft heart for young people, and I wanted to show kindness to these two adopted brothers.

Sometime during our couple of days in Sointula, I remember feeling like I was on a fence. On one side of the fence was my being the boss, my being the lord of my life, with all the comforts and pleasures and joys of the world thrown in. On the other side of the fence was Jesus. I didn't know what it would mean to follow him! I remember feeling like the "curtains" were being rolled up and I was seeing spiritual reality for the first time, and I said, "Jesus, I'm yours." For me it wasn't "Jesus I believe in you" because I already believed, or so I thought, in him; it was Jesus, my life is your life, you are in charge, you are in control, I'm going to follow you.

From that point on everything changed. I view that as my spiritual birth. For the first time I had a personal hunger for spiritual things. I wanted to pray, and actually would go out alone and pray to God; I wanted to read God's word and it was suddenly coming alive to me.

So passionate I was about following Jesus, that later that summer I persuaded two of my friends, Jake and Bob, to go back to Sointula with me. We drove my parents Volkswagon Van. Somehow we were able to get a box of Gideon New Testaments. We spent a couple days with the kids in Sointula talking with them, challenging them to follow Jesus; I think we might have even arranged a small evangelistic service in which I might have spoken.

In any case, this was my core call - and at that point it was not to the ministry, it was simply to be a follower of Jesus. This call to "follow Jesus" is the same for every Christian. Jesus calls for wholehearted allegiance to his person; As Dietrich Bonhoeffer puts it, "He bids us come and die."

Baby Steps into My Calling

After my spiritual awakening I didn't have any clear vision or direction for my life. I had read "Travels with Charlie" by John Steinbeck. So, before Sointula, my idea had been to take a year and drive my parents Volkswagon Van around the US with my dog; I'm not sure what I thought they would do without their car!

STEP ONE: Western Baptist College
As it turned out, I went to Western Baptist College(see previous blog). God used my time at Western to deepend my theological and Biblical understanding. I also had opportunities to minister. The fall of my Freshman year I remember, with a friend, walking up the hill into a neighborhood near our college and offering to rake leaves for people for free. I was so full of the love of Christ it was just a joy to give and share that love.

I also was part of a ministry to Hillcrest, a juvenile delinquent center. Every Sunday afternoon a group of us from the college would go and spend time with the guys.

STEP TWO: Otto Sather
The biggest "step" into my pastoral calling during my college years was provided by Otto Sather. Otto had grown up in Stanwood, WA (near Camano Island); he and his brother ran their Father's chicken farm. At age 33 Otto was converted to Christ, and two years later he went into full-time ministry. For over 25 years he pastored a small community church in Plain, WA. It was under Otto's ministry in Plain that my dad was converted to Christ as a young man. My mother would be spent to spend a few weeks each summer at the Sathers (her parents were friends of the Sathers). Eventually mom and dad got married; by the time I came along, Otto and Betty had moved back to the Stanwood area. Otto was pastoring another small church on Sammish Island.

After my spiritual awakening/birth Otto and Betty had me over, and, as they do, they grilled me, trying to understand everything that had happened. Otto invited me to help him the following summer at the church on Sammish Island. My role would be to start a youth group. So that summer (1988), I worked some odd jobs doing yardwork; and I spent a lot of time helping Otto on Samish. Each Wednesday I'd drive to their house. Betty would cook us a big lunch. Then Otto and I would pile into their car and we would drive together on his pastoral rounds. Otto spent every Wednesday going to his parishioners homes. He would talk with them, then read the Bible with them and pray. As far as I know, he has been doing this for each of the 50 years of his ministry. Sometimes around dinner time, after visiting 10-15 homes, I remember getting real, real hungry. Otto would usually have some almonds for us to eat; on a good day, we'd have a bag of Cool Ranch Dorritoes. So I cut my teeth doing pastoral ministry with Otto. I led the youth group at Samish for three summers (1988,89, 90).

Trinity Evangelical Divinity School, Part One: 1991-1992

After I graduated from Western I didn't have any clearly defined plans. I knew that I was going to marry Jenny in June of 1992 (we had a one year engagement); and I knew that I was interested in Christian ministry. But, beyond that I was unclear. However, I had an opportunity to stay in Wheaton, IL, with old family friends Peter and Anita Deyneka. Having nothing else to do that year I thought I might look into seminaries. A professor at Western, H. Wayne House, suggested I look into Trinity Evangelical Divinity School (TEDS). I was accepted. So in the summer of 1991 I drove back to Chicago to live at the Deynekas and to begin seminary.

The first year of seminary was hard. I missed Jenny terribly. So I focused hard on my studies. Because I had received a double major at Western (Humanities and Bible) about 24 units of biblical/theological electives were transferred to me so I had a bit of a head start.

In January 1992 I had an opportunity to go with Peter and Anita, and their two children, Lilianna and Mark, to live in Moscow, Russia. During those months I did an independent study course from Trinity (so I could stay enrolled as a student). My time in Moscow was so rich for me; but I was counting down the days to see Jenny.

In the spring of 1992 I decided not to stay at Trinity. When I returned to Chicago I moved onto campus at TEDS. But I was miserable; lonely, missing Jenny. I decided to pack my bags and head back west. I took another extension course - this one on the theology of Jonathan Edwards - to stay current as a student; and I worked it out at TEDS to do the required internship the following year.

Internship at Camano Chapel, 1992-93

Jenny and I were married June 20th, 1992. After our honeymoon - up northern California Coast, Bed and Breakfast in Rogue River, we returned to Camano Island where I spent a year serving as an intern. It was an interesting year because right after I began the internship, the Senior Pastor at Camano Chapel, Bill W., took a six month sabbatical; he was burnt-out from 26 years of pastoral ministry. Under his leadership Camano Chapel had grown from a small congregation to the largest Village Mission (non-denomination) church in the US. With Bill being gone, I didn't really have anyone to guide my internship. I remember watching John Gerstners videos on church history, and preaching on Sunday night.

TEDS (Part Two) and first contact with the Presbyterian Church in America (PCA): 1993-95

In May, 1993 Jenny and I packed all of our belongings into our Chrysler LeBaron and drove across the country to Chicago. We had about $500 and no furniture. We were going to house sit at the Deynekas for a few weeks before we could move into our apartment on campus at TEDS. Through Chip G., who we had met at College Church in Wheaton, Jenny got a job at CB Commercial near TEDS. And I began a blistering work-load at TEDS. In the next two years I would receive a Master of Divinity, and a Master of Arts in Systematic Theology (I wrote my thesis paper on the "Nature of Tradition in the Theology of Georges Florovsky).

TEDS was full of great professors. I was influenced by DA Carson, Harold OJ Brown, John Woodbridge, Ray Ortlund among others. For the first year Jenny and I drove to Wheaton and attended College Church. We appreciated the ministry of Pastor Kent Hughes and we were part of a class that was seeking to reach out to unbelivers called "Ultimate Issues" led by Rev. Dave Helm. I really liked Dave and appreciated his ministry. Later I found out that Dave was an ordained minister in the Presbyterian Church in America. This was my first "contact" with the PCA. Because I liked Dave and his style of ministry, and because at that time I realized I needed to figure out where I "fit" - in terms of my theology - in a denomination, I began to investigate the PCA. (Dave is now the pastor of Holy Trinity Church near the University of Chicago.) Towards the end of my time at TEDS, after Jacob's birth, I worked part-time as a youth pastor at Lakeview Presbyterian Church.

I graduated from TEDS with my MDiv in December 1994, and my MA in May 1995. Jacob was six months old. I had two part time jobs (one at Lakeview, and one as an assistant to a Commercial Real Estate Broker). We missed our families and didn't really have any reason to stay in Illinois. So we, once again, packed our belongings in the LeBaron and drove back across the country.

Gospel Breakthrough: Salem and Eugene, OR (1995-1997)

As we were about to leave TEDS, one of my professors, Harold OJ Brown mentioned that one of his past-students had just left a church he had been pastoring in Seattle - Green Lake Presbyterian Church (the church I would evenutally serve in for five years). I had the bright idea of writing to the elders at Green Lake and offering my services as a pastor; my idea was that I would get a doctorate in classics at the Univirsity of Washington, and perhaps work at Green Lake as well.

Of course, I was terrible naive. At that time I was not licensed, let alone, ordained in the PCA. My friend, Chip G., counseled me not to send the letter; I'm thankful now that I listened to his counsel. But I think it is interesting that God put Green Lake on my heart over two years before I was called there as an assistant pastor.

We landed in Salem, OR (How we landed there is another story for another time!). Jenny got a job as a resident director at Western Baptist College. I was still a bit aimless. In my "fantasy world" I thought I might get a job as a professor at Western. Looking back now I realize that my theological views wouldn't have been a good fit. I had just read a biography of Karl Barth and I fantasized about doing full time theological work. Again, I was terrible naize.

However, we did make one decision that had a profound spiritual impact in my life: to attend Cascade Presbyterian Church in Eugene, OR. At that time, the pastor at Cascade was Rev. Jack Davidson. Jack had been influenced by the "Sonship" gospel ministry of Jack and Rose Marie Miller. Though I didn't get it at the time, Jacks preaching was brimming with the gospel. It was over an hour drive to Eugene on Sunday. So we usually only went down to Cascade on Sundays. Eventually I went under "care" through Cascade's session in the Pacific Northwest Presbytery. The big spiritual impact for me was through Jack's gospel preaching.

To be honest, seminary was a spiritually dry time for me. The understandings of the gospel of grace that I had come to at Western Baptist College during my college years did not seem to have the power to continue to change my life. During seminary I struggled deeply with old patterns of sin, especially in the area of sexual brokenness. In seminary I never did get connected to gospel community where the confession of sin, repentance, forgiveness, etc. was lived out as a daily reality. So when we moved back to Salem, I see now, I was spiritually barren.

At Cascade I heard a different kind of preaching. I remember that Jack was preaching through the gospel of Mark. Each Sunday he seemed to say the same thing: that none of us could keep God's law; but Jesus had kept it perfectly "for us." That not only had Jesus died on the cross for us, but Jesus had lived the perfect life of love and obedience to God's law. Jack preached again and again that through faith in Jesus, His perfect obedience - his love for people, his prayer life, his purity, his courage, etc. - was given as a gift to us so that we stood before God in heaven Holy and Blameless, covered in the beauty of Christ.

For a long time I was frustrated with Jack. "Preach something new" I thought. But Martin Luther was right! The preacher needs to "pound the gospel into the heads" of his people. After a year of Jack's pounding the gospel into my head I began to get - really for the first time - the doctrine of justification by faith, the doctrine of the active righteousness of Christ. I began to see that being a Christian means to "rejoice in Jesus." This was a huge breakthrough, and has shaped my ministry profoundly.

Called to Gospel Ministry: 1997

After going through a two year profess of being "under care", internship, and licensure (being licensed to preach) through the Pacific Northwest Presbytery, I was called by Green Lake Presbyterian Church to serve as an Assistant Pastor to Rev. Michael Kelly.

Presbyterians speak of God's call to the ministry being twofold: First, someone must have an internal call. They must know in their hearts that they must preach the gospel or perish; they must have a heart that burns for God's glory and for people's good. This is the "internal call". But, not only must a man have this internal, subjective call, they must also have an "external call" to be ordained as a minister of the gospel. In other words, a church, a concrete body of people must agree with the "internal call" and actually want the man to be their minister.

It was thrilling to actually step into, in summer of 1997, full-time vocational ministry.

God used Green Lake and Michael Kelly to have a powerful shaping influence in our lives. This blog is already too long. I will tell that story in another blog...