Tool Kit for our Trip

Jenny and I are hoping to use this trip to intentionally develop a "tool kit" to help our family interact with each other in healthy, mature, responsible way.

Here are a list of those "tools" that we are taking with us, talking to each other about, and hopefully will put into practice when we are spiralling down (as we often do) into conflict, blameshifting, despair, attack, etc.

Traveling together for almost three months will, I am sure, provide numerous opportunities to put these tools into practice!

Tool #1: Peacemaking. When you are in a conflict you can (A) overlook the conflict, forgive the other person, cover the wrong with love - "love covers over a multitude of sins." (B) Work it out; stay in relationship; talk through the conflict; or (C) Go get help; ask someone to help mediate, help you interpret what is going on.

Tool #2: Mourn & Grieve Loss. Life is full of disappointments. To be healthy we need to learn how to mourn and grieve over those disappointments, not "shove them down" and pretend they don't hurt. We want to affirm the practice of mourning and grieving as a healthy part of life.

Tool #3: Accept Responsibility. Accept total responsiblity for your own emotions and attitudes. No one else is responsible; don't blameshift. And don't bear the weight of guilt and shame if someone else is spiralling down in negative emotions. Know that they are responsible for their own emotions and attitudes; you take responsibility for your own.

Tool #4: Recover Gracefully. When something bad happens, when you fall apart, crash, implode...you don't have to be paralyzed and hopeless. You can recover gracefully. You can ask forgiveness, you can repent. (We got this phrase, "recover gracefully" from a dear friend of ours who works for AT & T. She uses this in major stress/conflict situations.)

Tool #5: Ask for more information. Investigate. When angry or frustrated by another person ask - "are they wrong/bad or just different?" Many times we are frustrated just by the "differentness" of another person. But this is an opportunity to get to know them better, to find out what makes them tick. Before just ruling out another person's ideas, perspective, etc. say, "give me more information...why is this so important to you?

Tool #6: Find your Voice. Help others understand you. This is closely related to Tool #5. Just like it is important that you take time to get to know others, you also have to become confident in your own perspectives and approach to life; you have to feel safe enough to share what you would like to do. So learn to share "information" with others about what you want to do, what would be exciting to you.

Tool #7: Give and Receive Joy. Smile in delight when your family/friends enter. Be genuinely excited to see them. One of our deepest needs is to be delighted in and cherished - not because of what we do but because of who we are. Learn to communicate joy to just be in the presence of each other. And, learn how to receive joy and delight from others.

These are just a few of the tools I'm sure we'll need on the trip.

Any other suggestions?

- Jason