This morning I talked with a friend. I shared how I felt like I was "coasting" in my spiritual life, especially in the area of prayer. I commented how ironic that was, because a big part of my sabbatical will be, I hope, being renewed in my prayer life and growing in my vision for the role of prayer in the life of the church.
My friend - as friends do - spoke the truth to me. He warned that it is easy for me to move quickly to the global perspective, to big visions. Instead of doing that, he urged me to not think about prayer in light of the church or my ministry but to simply experience intimate prayer as a son of God, in communion with my Father.
As he spoke, my eyes filled with tears. Then I couldn't stop them from flowing. Why? Because his words reminded me of the sweet early days of my walk with God: when I was 18 and my heart has been awakened by God's grace, and prayer to my Father tumbled out of my soul; those days when I would walk through the woods praying, crying out for my friends to come to experience the love of God as I had; those days when at Western Baptist College I would pray alone, under the stars, or with the rain falling on me as I lay facedown on the grass; those days of unspeakable intimacy with God.
As a pastor engaged in professional ministry it is my vocation to pray, to be a man of prayer. And, over the years, I have experienced times of unspeakable intimacy with God; moments I would not trade for all the riches of the world. However, the cares of life and burdens of leading a growing congregation - professional ministry -have chipped away at that intimacy in prayer.
So, as my friend spoke, I cried.
I cried because my heart longs - more than anything else - for that intimate communion with my heavenly father. I cried because my friend loved me enough to challenge me. And I cried because my Heavenly Father, in pursuing and unceasing love, used my friend's words to remind my own heart of those deepest of longings and to give me resolve to once again, without the trappings of pastoral ministry, "seek his face evermore."
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If you haven't already read it, a book that might really help with that pursuit is Paul Miller's "A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting World." It's like nothing I've ever read on prayer and he speaks to the very issues you are here. My parents recommended it and I have seen it transform their prayer lives, our moms playgroup at church is reading it and I've seen it transform at least some of our prayer lives and I've given it to some friends and gotten similar feedback from at least one of them so far.
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