Re-entry

I'm enjoying another day at St. Meinrads. Lots of silence. Solitude. Reading. Writing. Thinking. But I am aware that my time here is quickly drawing to a close. I am ready.

I have been thinking about reentry.

Reentry back into life in Indy, back into ministry, back into friendships and calling.

I am - slowly! - coming to know myself both in the beauty of who God designed me to be and in my deep brokenness as a person. Those two things - my beauty and my brokenness - seem to reside together, intricately woven so that seeing them clearly and distinctly is a challenge. I know that God has wired me as a man of vision of action of the deed. This is part of his design of me. Yet, in my brokenness I tend to be, as Jenny puts it, a "bulldozer"; to push people over in the goal of the vision, the deed and the glory of the challenge. By his grace, during this sabbatical time, God has been teaching me wisdom. That sometimes the Act and the Deed is achieved by a long waiting, by listening, by understanding the nature of a person or task.

So as I return, I want to walk in that wisdom. I want to listen to people. To ponder and meditate and pray more. And, when I act, for act I must, I want it to be at the right time and in the right way and driven by internal convictions and not just external exigencies and motivated by knowing the pleasure of God is on my, not because of what I do but because of who I am, his beloved son.

I want to remember that I am not a "human doing" but a "human being"...

Beyond that deep thinking, I'm very much looking forward to returning to my city, Indianapolis, and to my family and to my friends. I am very much looking forward to their presence: the laughter and smile of my children and embrace of Jenny; my friends in all their "hilaritas" and uniqueness and "differentness" and, yes, to the great challenges and mighty deeds that await as as we wait and work and love in the strength God gives us.